The Pursuit of Self Confidence
Defining Self confidence with words is no simple task, but we recognize it is when we see someone that seems to be unstoppable, irradiating a sense of security, and purpose and most of all, that they seem to know who they are, where they are headed and how to get there.
Have you ever wonder why some people have so much self confidence and others are struggling just to get their name out?
While self confidence comes naturally to some, for others is like a constant battle, where their internal voices will use any opportunity to break their confidence piece by piece until nothing is left.
But, Is it possible to learn to have that level of confidence?
The answer is a clear Yes.
But before we get into the how to, you need to know how your brain works, so you can put it to work to your advantage:
Your brain uses past experiences as the knowledge base to evaluate present situations. Unfortunately because of evolution, your brain gives more weight to bad experiences, as a way to reduce the risk of future pains.
The problem is that your brain does not know when to stop worrying about past experience, and sometimes it goes into a negativity loop. The more you worry about an issue, the more your brain will reinforce the connections making the past experience more “present” in his effort to avoid pain.
To break this circle here is an exercise that you can put in practice: whenever your brain starts reviving old negative experiences, force yourself to stop, and replace that thought with something positive. Make this a habit, and after a while your will notice how your brain has rebalanced the importance of negative experiences.
The path to build self confidence starts by controlling your own thoughts. These tips will help to drastically reduce your negative thoughts, replacing them with a “can do” attitude.
- Acknowledge your perceived weakness. Make a list of the issues that your internal voice uses an argument. For example: I’m not educated enough for this job. At this point, do not judge or analyse your feelings. Just write them down.
- Check this list with people that you trust. Look for real weakness against perceived weakness. By having an external view, ask them how they see you on each particular item of your list. Open your mind to their comments, and thank them for being open and honest with you.
- Identify your strengths. Once you have identified your perceived weakness, those that only exist in your mind, use then to construct positive stories. Start looking for situations to use this skill, and make them opportunities to reaffirm your strengths. Give yourself permission to take pride in them.
- Work out your weakness. We are not perfect, and there is always room for improvement. Start by exploring to what extent you will need to work on this issue, and make a plan to close this gap. Self growth books are very popular for a reason; a lot of people out there share the same need for improvement. So don’t hive behind shyness, and take action.
